*Warning: If you haven't seen "Her," this definitely has spoilers.*
This is the second in a group of posts about this film
This is the second in a group of posts about this film
Theodore's ex-wife tells him that he always wanted her to be "light and happy" in their relationship. It makes perfect sense. We want our significant other to be the ideal, a construct of our imaginations and day dreams, someone who acts exactly as we need them to. In essence, we need them to be infallible.
But Jonze reminds us that no one is infallible and if we expect anyone to be, we are going to be met with disappointment and sadness. Theodore expects Samantha to be with him and only him, but he later discovers that she's in love with another 600 something people. To Theodore, love is singular. To Samantha, love is a human emotion that can multiplied and the number of people she loves will never take away the amount that she loves Theodore. Samantha says something along the lines of, "The heart's not a box you fill up. It expands in size the more you love." Jonze perfectly encapsulates what a relationship actually is in this exchange: a series of moments where each person discovers their differences are connected.
Samantha is right. Love is an emotion that can be multiplied. Theodore is confusing love for romantic love, a common mistake that carries consequences. Wikipedia tell us that love is:
But this is the beauty of their relationship. Samantha reminds us that technically we're all the same: we're all made of matter. So logically, what should attract us to one another is not only all of our similarities, but the nuances that make us different groupings of our core construction.
Theodore writes incredibly heartfelt and moving letters for his job: physical representations of love. The reason why Crown Point Publishing's editor loved Theodore's book of letters (or rather Samantha's submission) is because in any representation of love, we can find something of ourselves. Just because someone or something is different than us in any category doesn't mean that there can't be something within them that reminds us of ourselves.
In our relationships with others, we should desire difference. Not so much that we can't agree on anything, but enough that together we create a spectrum of likes, dislikes, opinions, and ideas. An infallible person is exactly what we don't need.
At the end of the film, I think the Jonze has Theodore realize this point when he writes a final letter to his ex-wife. He says, "They'll be a piece of you in me always. Whatever someone you become and wherever you are in the world, I'll love you always."
But Jonze reminds us that no one is infallible and if we expect anyone to be, we are going to be met with disappointment and sadness. Theodore expects Samantha to be with him and only him, but he later discovers that she's in love with another 600 something people. To Theodore, love is singular. To Samantha, love is a human emotion that can multiplied and the number of people she loves will never take away the amount that she loves Theodore. Samantha says something along the lines of, "The heart's not a box you fill up. It expands in size the more you love." Jonze perfectly encapsulates what a relationship actually is in this exchange: a series of moments where each person discovers their differences are connected.
Samantha is right. Love is an emotion that can be multiplied. Theodore is confusing love for romantic love, a common mistake that carries consequences. Wikipedia tell us that love is:
Sure, Samantha feels a personal attachment to Theodore and is concerned for his well-being, but why does he get to decide that Samantha's love for him is singular? Samantha is very grey while Theodore is black and white.a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".
But this is the beauty of their relationship. Samantha reminds us that technically we're all the same: we're all made of matter. So logically, what should attract us to one another is not only all of our similarities, but the nuances that make us different groupings of our core construction.
Theodore writes incredibly heartfelt and moving letters for his job: physical representations of love. The reason why Crown Point Publishing's editor loved Theodore's book of letters (or rather Samantha's submission) is because in any representation of love, we can find something of ourselves. Just because someone or something is different than us in any category doesn't mean that there can't be something within them that reminds us of ourselves.
In our relationships with others, we should desire difference. Not so much that we can't agree on anything, but enough that together we create a spectrum of likes, dislikes, opinions, and ideas. An infallible person is exactly what we don't need.
At the end of the film, I think the Jonze has Theodore realize this point when he writes a final letter to his ex-wife. He says, "They'll be a piece of you in me always. Whatever someone you become and wherever you are in the world, I'll love you always."
Even though their relationship didn't last, his love for her did because she created new thoughts within him and helped him expand the gray area we grow over the courses of our lives. If that growth occurs, the relationship most definitely holds worth.
If we desire differences, our differences will become desired.
If we desire differences, our differences will become desired.
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